Call me "Anastasia"

I found out that I'm from Russia the other day. Yep... turns out I'm really a mail-order bride. That's right... a mail-order bride... from Russia. St. Petersburg to be exact. My husband ordered me (www.russianbrides.com) to save me and my parents from the Gulag... (that's basically the Soviet prison camps). He brought us to beautiful America. However, my parents have no working Visa (shhh... don't tell anyone), so they live the in basement of our house in hiding. Occasionally we let them out to play in the back yard, but have to keep it quiet so they aren't found and sent back.They are great dog poop scoopers, though.  I'm safe due to marriage. But my husband didn't want us to be embarrassed or have others know how we met, so he didn't let me out much either until my English was at the level of most American's and I could disguise my Russian accent. If you listen, occasionally if I get frustrated it will sneak out.

What?!?!?? (you say to yourself) When did this happen? Wow! You're good! Really?!? I've been to your house and have never seen anyone living in the basement??!!?! Yep, we're that good. Truth is, that's the story my husband told at a work team-building event the other day. And now everyone thinks I'm a mail order bride from Russia. So I better work on some Russian stories. I'll just google some phrases and places so I can fake it, I guess... ironic isn't it? An American faking to be a Russian who's faking to be an American? I had to look up Gulag to learn about wherxcde and when, etc.... or did I?